9 August 2017

REVIVAL

an old pic I took, but a damn good one

It's been a while, I know, but life took me by surprise again and I lost my strength to type. Don't worry, I still continue writing poetry, currently onto my second book whoop! but I lost any will I had to actually continue this blog. Today, I'm thinking about revival.

Having just come off the plane from Portimao, Portugal, I am extremely tanned, extremely eager to get back to work and feel extremely fortunate to have witnessed such beauty. It reminded me how beautiful it is to live on such a planet and how grateful I should be that I have eyes that work, that allow me to experience it all first hand.

I've really been trying to improve my mood lately, having been built as a woman of colour to survive through pain rather than deal and then survive, I'm aiming to re-programe my brain to not fight the truth on what hurts. One day, I may talk more about what's happened within the last few months, but for now, let me just say this. Our bodies can be torn and abused, our minds can be shredded and mistreated, we can go into denial, we can fall, we can take the hand of someone we shouldn't for help and crumble, we can weep, we can sigh, but we can also heal. Healing is one of the hardest things to do, and I for one, don't have a handle on it yet, but sure do want to persevere in my attempt at doing so.


It amazes me what we can go through on a daily, man and woman. We go through so much shit, yet can still survive the next day, but the question is...have we truly dealt with the fact? When we don't deal with the fact first, that's when it comes round to bite you in that perfect behind of yours years later when you think everything in your life has straightened out. We need to deal with life and accept what's happened; not just live in denial, cover it up and move on. I especially am a sucker for that because I was built to survive first, cry later. But why should we?

I want to cry now, deal now, be fragile but strong now, and survive through it so that it won't one day return to me, and all the feelings won't end up flooding back at very unfortunate times. I mean, I know we have all had them days when your smiling, going about your business and then BAM the past smacks you across the face. yeah. me too. Well that's what I call a consequence of not dealing with your pain, but just shoving it aside for another day.

I aim to revive myself by changing my perspective on handling my own trauma, I believe that I have to, and I will and so I hope whoever is reading this will also learn to deal, if like me, you was trained not to.


Renae
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